today, alone

12/01/2010 § 2 Comments

Last night, I had some pretty, incredibly, necessary conversations to throw things into perspective. Recently, the trinamic trio has been hit with emotional tidal waves. It´s hard to rise to the surface, but we all have the capacity and will to fight our way to the surface. As a result, I am a little more alone than usual. And then last night it hit me: I was going to be ok.

As most of you know, I have no laptop, no cellphone, no real, immediate, consistent connection with my world from back home. I got two of my closest homies here, but even they need time to be alone. Like I said, last night was the apex of emotion. It felt like I couldn´t breathe for a little while, just too many things swimming inside my head. I think my trip to San Isidro put things into perspective. Live day to day, my friends said, because you never know when it will all be gone.

This new idea of embracing change was scary and uncomfortable. How could I forge a new life here when I miss the people and the city so much? Well, by learning to be alone. Alone is when you are physically on your own and you are ok with that. It´s enemy, but member of the same family, lonliness, is the dangerous, emotional, darker side, or the reaction to being physically alone. It can be a slippery slope and it is up to the character to hold one´s self up while doing it alone. It throws perspective right into your face and says ´deal with it!´

Nevertheless, no matter how hard it seems, it will always be worth it. Your gait will be surer, your mind sharper, your soul a little more complete, and your heart ready to love those around you in a deeper way.

So, that is where I am right now, in a really good space of being alone and not letting myself get lonely. This way, I won´t have to rely on others to hold me up or to make me happy. If I don´t like the energy someone gives me, I will have the strength to walk away because there will be no fear of being alone.

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§ 2 Responses to today, alone

  • mom85 says:

    Now just contend with “what do you do?” Say “nothing”, and watch the looks you get. People don’t like the fact that one can do nothing (saves explaining stuff), & be content & productive. Another good question is “would you rather be dumb or lazy?” Dad asked that of his class, everyone choose lazy. Cracked him up, after all you can’t help if your dumb, but lazy is a choice (for most people). No one wants to be thought of as dumb, but lazy??? You can do something about lazy, but not dumb I guess. I’m alone a lot, but very rarely feel lonely. I like my me time, but know if I want company I can find it. Sometimes I think its pretty selfish, but can live with that. Being alone leaves lots of time for thinking about everything, probably why I don’t like being around people too long. So enjoy discovering the wonders & joy of being one.

  • what a lot of people don’t know is that “doing nothing” is actually doing a lot…

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