it was all a dream

23/01/2010 § 3 Comments

The other day, during my siesta, I had the most vivid dream it was almost clairvoyant, or at least I hope. I was sitting at a desk, in an apartment in Toronto, with white walls, raw, wood floors, just me, at a desk, the desk was white, typing away for The Informal Press, older, but content.

I knew I was older because I was thinner, a little wrinklier, and I could tell my-future-self had become a little wiser. I could sense that I was on the verge of buying a dog, a border collie, and that I had a few properties scattered throughout the world. The only part that wasn’t sad, but different, was that I was alone. I had no friends around me, in my immediate surroundings, and no lover to keep me company. I could tell I had no lover by the look in my eyes. It was just me and my-future-dog.

When I woke up, I felt like I had sand in my eyes. My subconscious self did not want to wake up. I wonder if I had not woken up, would I just simply merge into my dream? Is that really what I want for my future? Maybe it isn’t, maybe that’s why I woke up. But, I still had sand in my eyes.

Nevertheless, although my-future-self was alone, I was not discontent. I think I had come to terms with being by myself for a very long time. Although I could sense my dreaming-self to be a bit saddened, I did not sense any regret. She had come to terms with the life she had chosen and stuck to it. Knowing that she gave up a lot to get to where she was, she figured that regretting any of it would be a slap-in-the-face to any and all that she had left behind.

So, I guess I got a glimpse of what may come to be. Am I happy or elated that this how it might be? No. I can honestly say that I had pictured my life differently. I wanted to share it with someone I cared about, but who knows if my-future-self will find someone again. Will I be ok with it? Of course. If that’s the way it is meant to be, then that is how I will live it.

If I don’t like it, at any point, I can always change it.


§ 3 Responses to it was all a dream

  • mom85 says:

    You got it baby girl. Welcome to Life and all its wonders.

  • Sammy says:

    Dreams are only that to let us know who we are in the now. They are the way our subconscious selves sort through our lives what’s going on. Without our dreams we become slaves to our conscious selves, what we think we are as opposed to who we naturally are. Being alone in the now is not ideal for we’re social creatures to begin with. But it depends on how we perceive ourselves as alone. Right now you have accepted your perception of solitude hence your dream self shows you have accepted it. Your continued solitude is only a choice. But that’s my interpretation, dreams are best figured out by the dreamer. But take this I don’t believe that you will be alone, ever, it’s not ideal but keep yourself open to anything and everything that comes your way and you may be surprised what life will give you. Maybe you didn’t want to wake up to see if maybe your perception of it was wrong? ❤

  • maybe you were in my body. :p

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