kongito and me

20/03/2010 § 2 Comments

I was right. What goes up must come down. Feeling on top of the universe one week then plunged into the abyss of the deepest ocean the next week. However, what is different is my comeback.

I sulked for a whole 24-hours but was able to jump, more like leap, right out of bed the day after. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I took my new-found strength and used it to rationalize any pain that I may have felt. Pain for what? How would it change anything? Was I willing to hop on a flight? Was I willing to fall back into the same patterns? I wasn’t. So, I am back to where my hands are: in the present.

The one person that has gotten me through any every day sulk is the only important guy in my life right now: Kongito. He is the greatest listener, he cuddles with me every night, he soaks up any tears without any awkward stares. He accepts me just the way I am. I don’t need to make excuses for not hanging out with him, or why I haven’t talked to him in a while. He has become my go-to guy.

Alright. He’s a stuffed gorrilla that I received as a gift at the Empire State building, but he has healing properties. It might be bizarre, but I don’t think it’s crazy to have an attachment to an inanimate object. He’s like a journal. When I vent frustrations or express happiness or give him a kiss on the nose, he just takes it all in without any judgments passed. It’s just like having a dog without any of the mess nor responsibility of feeding/watering it. A journog.

Of course people don’t feel crazy talking to live animals nor writing in journals, but I would argue that there is nothing hallucinatory about Kongito. I know he isn’t “real”. I know the sparkle in his eye is not unfaltering adoration but rather an incredibly shiny plastic compound. He doesn’t talk back, even though it’s nice to imagine that he is listening. Nevertheless, having him has helped. He just sits there all the time, on my pillow when I walk into my room, beside my head when I wake up in the mornings, there to remind me of some of the best times of my life, there with me to remind me how far I have gotten.

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§ 2 Responses to kongito and me

  • mom85 says:

    Your doing too much thinking (what’s new there?). You need to learn to be still & listen to the body, you may get lost in the verbal burbage that is our culture. In other words feel the breathe & concentrate on just being at peace with yourself. I know its hard, to do when its rush, rush, buy, buy. You’re headed in the right direction, always question the ethics, rightness of things, but when it overwhelms & depresses, time out for breathing & appreciating your journey. It’s the other side of yoga (the essence)or even tai chi. Love you always.

  • Sammy says:

    The world is far too crazy for just one person, we all need someone to turn to. You’re lucky that it’s a stuffed animal, you know he’s not going to judge you, or run away if it gets too tough. He’ll remain soft and cuddly for the hard times, or just when you want someone to hug with having to ask for one. Everyone needs such a person.

    Btw this post made my heart ache for you. I want to be the big sister sometimes, and I want to be there for you! I’m a little emotional right now so I’m feeling all my relationships a little more right now. (Sorry if this is all mushy and sentimental). I love you little sister! Always will too! No matter where our roads take us, we’ll always be family and I promise I will always be here for you, no matter what!

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