02/05/2010 § 1 Comment
How do we create and maintain deep, meaningful relationships without getting attached?
It has become the struggle of modern Man (and Woman). With people flitting and fleeing on whims, based on cultivating one’s individualism, and the inherent desire of sociability — creating networks of people you can hug — it’s hard for me to wrap my head around the above question, which seems more like a philosophic statement. My answer would be: you can, but in no such simplistic rationale. I really had to step back from the question to see it.
A recent comment has made me realize the importance of being true to yourself, no matter where you are — country, city, or smalltown. My problem has always been the fascination of being where I am not, always thinking about the possiblities of what lie in the space that I am not occupying. What is going back to a city that I would like to call home going to be like? What is going to be different? Most importantly, what is going to be the same? Everything and nothing. Such is life. Now, just breathe.
This is where attachment can be so misleadingly dangerous. I have strong connections and bonds with people whom I loved, and still love, in Toronto. However, dynamics have shifted and life, as I knew it, has changed. But that doesn’t mean that the relatinships that I had created, or at least the ones that counted, need to be ended, at least not in memory and spirit. I can still hold onto memories as their whole and take them for what they were: beautiful.
It is high time that this little lady accept the fact that all that was good was good for a reason and all that was bad wasn’t bad, but necessary. I need to understand that attachment means one holds onto the things that were instead of accepting and growing from the things that are becoming. That some forms of attachment are the brain telling the soul to stop growing for fear that it might explode.
I need to understand that attachment means that one can latch onto an ideal of what one’s life is supposed to be like, instead of flowing with the current and appreciating its present course. Again, the brain will always rationalize that uncertainty equals deadly rapids ahead. But, if I follow my heart and my gut, — and what my brain does not want me to know is that — I will make it to the other side, not only alive, but with the opportunity at creating and recreating new, deep, meaningful relationships.
It is possible and only human to become attached to individuals, to love them and want to hold them. It is when you get attached to an idea in your head that your soul can be crushed by the shere weight of it.
Being true to myself and honest to those around me is the only life worth living. By doing this, I can create a deep, meaningful relationship with myself which means I only have those traits to offer to those around me. There is no need to attach oneself, just the need to share experiences.
Here’s to good people.