bringing it back to the roots

05/05/2010 § Leave a comment

Sometimes you have to see the utter darkness to appreciate the light, to wake-up from a world of obscurely, dreary-dreams and open your eyes to a beautiful morning.

This morning, I felt like I was re-becoming myself. I went for a coffee with a friend, was served a coffee by a friend, and realized that I have been fortunate to meet really good people who I call my friends. I realized that who I am is not about the good times, but the good people. Times will always change, as the the things people do will always change, but if you can seek out the wholesome people, those who want to remain good and honest to themselves and not just to the “times”, then you have won the relationship-lottery.

This topic came up in our morning discussion. Both of us have seen things change in the past 6-months. As he said, it was a really weird winter. 

What started out as a group of, what felt like, a million interesting people, all with different quirks and idiosyncracies, is changing. Some have seen the change as an opportunity to grow and others have seen it as life shattering, choosing a seemingly easier path of self-destruction.

Throughout the years, the good people shine through, ones that don’t have to see you for months at a time and then let you sit numbly, staring at a wall. Good people that let you feel feelings and to make mistakes, knowing that it’s only a superficial, temporary period of growth and that the true person within will break through.

Like we were talking about today — based on JSF’s Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, a mutually chosen read — good people leave the door open to let people in, but to also let people out. You can invite people in, but you cannot hold onto them. It’s against fundamental free-will anyways.

Letting people in is a good thing and letting people out is a mature thing, but keeping in mind that you can ask people to leave is a next-level thing that I haven’t been able to fully come to terms with. Hopefully, one day, some of those people I have had to ask to leave would like to come back, even if it’s only for coffee.

Leaving the door open is the kind of person I have always felt I was. I like to think that I understand where people are in life and, for the most part, that everyone is just in a phase, trying to figure out how they fit into the world. There is beauty in everyone, even if they try to hide it with cynicism and/or superficiality. Whatever each individual looks like on the outside is merely a facade of what lies within. Each individual is in the process of becoming and a reflection of, not only society, but of their selves, their own subjective experiences in this crazy whirl of life.

So, this is who I am, at my deepest core of awareness. I experiment with aesthetics and the superficial, the intellectual and material, but deep-down, truly within my self, I love people.

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