like a natural woman
08/05/2010 § 1 Comment
This morning I did not want to wake up, the dark clouds looming over Port Perry, taunting me with their pathetic fallacy.
Not only was there no sun to be greeted by, but the cold had blown in, magnified by an undoubted Arctic wind. I didn’t want to wake-up because I couldn’t even go outside. However, I did wake-up because the sheer thought of tasting morning coffee motivated me beyond rational thinking, a natural impulsion.
My parents were still on their first cup, sitting side-by-side, fiddling around with their respective laptops. I went to the overly-small kitchen/dining room — even though it would be considered a large kitchen — and went through the daily preparation of boiling French-press water and thawing frozen Argentine cookies I had smuggled across the border. (Three-kilos of fresh pastries now frozen. How very North American.)
Listening to the radio, of course, making small-talk with my parents while glancing down at my tiny, 10″-screen researching articles, perusing emails and facebook, looking at the cost of trains to New York, etc. Simple stuff.
Then, the news came on: another study to show how we are going to die and how we can prevent it. Maybe it was the research I had been doing, maybe it was my dad who talked about the youth and their overuse of cellphones, or maybe it was because I hadn’t even had my first-half of morning coffee, but something snapped.
I was angry with what the news just tried to do. It tried to scare people from death and suggest the way people need to live.
There is no doubt in my mind that people don’t want to die. I don’t want to die, but I know I will and I would rather live life the way I want as opposed to the way I need to. That being said, I know most will find my definitions of want and need a little unconventional. That’s because the definitions we use today are tainted with the connotations of selfishness and altruism.
So many times people think they need to do things, or say things, or eat things, or drink things. Quite frankly, I am tired of feeling the need to do things, even though it’s hard to escape it. When we feel we need to pursue these trivial things listed above, we end up rebeling against those needs and developing psychosomatic restraints, censorship, eating-disorders and alcoholism.
In the end, we try to counteract what we think we need to do with what we think we want to do. We fail to actually listen to what our body wants, what it intuitively wants and desires. We try to over-rationalize our impulses because we are humans, not animals. Wrong. We were, are, and will always be animals first.
When we over-rationalize our desire, we tend to ignore our gut and our heart.
We tell it, you are wrong because you are primitive!
When we constantly ignore something so innate, this primitive impulse will eventually “get the best” of us, causing us to binge on whatever we are trying to monitor ourselves on.
Let’s take dieting as an example. If you do not eat some sugar, or carbs, or fat, or broccoli for that matter, but you desire it, after the purge, the body will find a moment, when you least expect it, when your guard is down, to consume as much of it as possible before you can feel “guilty” about it.
Same thing with smoking, drinking, drugs, opinions, love, hang-outs, … everything.
However, what we can do is take it back to the roots and learn to trust our bodies, inside, deep within our hearts and bellies. Your body — physiologically, chemically — knows what it needs and translates that into wants: what BMI is appropriate for you, when to rest, when to be held, when too much booze is in your blood. The key is tapping in and listening to it.
Your brain only knows what it think it needs, and usually, what it thinks it needs is to look, feel, and be content and cozy in a little box. It’s safe in the box. You cannot get physically hurt. It rationalizes that you will live longer in this content and cozy little box.
It’s the age-old: Quantity of years over quality of experiences.
I have always appreciated, or at least like to think I have, quality over quantity. If I enjoy eating a cookie, I will eat the cookie. But, I will not confuse my enjoyment with the attempt at filling an emotional void. I would like to listen to what my body truly wants. Sometimes, to protect me, my brain will disguise my want to cry with my need of a cookie, because to cry means you are vulnerable to predators. If you eat a cookie, you temporarily subdue your vulnerability while giving you added energy to run away. Run away from it all.
We have alienated our selves from nature so much that we forget to trust our instincts — the butterflies in your tummy, the hairs on the back of your neck, the desire to be good and free.
We can use our reason and logic for problems and thoughts, ideas and opinions, research and technology. Let’s save our gut and our hearts for our selves to do what we truly, intuitively, want to do.