thursdays: first draft
08/07/2010 § Leave a comment
There seems to be a flow of things, like rivers fed by streams, rumbling towards a purpose. Waking up and being aware of the way things had begun and where they may end up has been a process of discovery that I — and many around me — have recently become familiar with. Being open to change has broadened the pastures of growth.
So it was, on this fine Thursday morning, that I begun my day — laid my foundations — with a cup of coffee and a pen. With the caffeine juices flowing through my veins, sprinkling my mind and impulsively coursing through my fingertips, I finished my first draft.
For the past couple of months I have pulled my hair and wondered if I could muster the courage to complete something so personal such as this. These months I questioned the direction that I was going with a story that started out so personal and has ended in a way that I could not have foreseen. The process was exhilarating yet exhausting. Perhaps, now I can sleep.
One thing I have discovered — not only through creation but real life — is that you never know where you are going to end up and when. It’s as though time and space conspiratorially work together to pull you in a certain direction while making you believe they are pushing against you. Some-times one will slow down so that you can enjoy the view and other-space will be missed in the blink of an eye in order to appreciate the moment. In both circumstances, we long for the other.
However, it is on a beautiful Thursday morning after a relatively comfortable rest — I actually used my blanket last night — that I was able to appreciate time and space simultaneously. I guess by opening up one’s perception to the “grand scheme of things”, that is if one believes that a bigger picture exists, can one accept the path that has been trodden. Such are the conversations that I have had of late.
A couple of months ago, L & I:
– I know what you mean, things can be tough, but looking at what I have gained, I wouldn’t have changed a thing.
– Yeah, girl. Sometimes I feel like I just want to be a kid again and not have to worry about this stuff. Sometimes I think it is too much.
– Yeah, sometimes it’s nice to think about. But, I would never want to unlearn all that I have already learned.
I remember last summer walking through Kensington Market and two guys on the sidewalk hollered me a question that most ponder:
– Think about it! You will, like, never be 10 years old again. You are going to keep getting older, man. Doesn’t that bother you?
– Yeah, I guess so, sometimes. But, to be 10 years-old is to be naive, to want to be 10 years-old is just ignorant.
– Whoa, girl.
I guess wisdom comes in waves.
Yesterday, eating lunch with my parents, I felt that impatience that is typical of the youth — or so my parents tell me. I felt unaccomplished because I hadn’t even finished my first draft of a story I have been working on for months. I felt that familiar feeling that I was giving up on myself.
Moms & I,
– Listen, don’t rush it. Stories can take years to write, rewrite, edit, copy, publish and promote. It all takes time. Finish it when it feels right to finish it.
– Yeah, but I want to finish it now. I just don’t have the time to do it.
– Maybe you are just in the wrong space.
She was right: Time and space needed to align in order for the final touches to be put on paper.
This morning, sitting on the balcony, armed with ink and paper, it seemed as though my space had opened and things began to flow like they had months ago, sitting at the kitchen table in our Once apartment in Buenos Aires. After only an hour-and-a-half, I popped on the last punctuation mark of the first draft.
Now, all I have to do is give it time and space to foment.
So far, Thursdays are still my favourite day.