29/07/2010 § Leave a comment
I slept in and it felt wonderful. This morning I rolled over to check the time, the digital clock on my phone reading 7:46AM. Just a little longer, I thought. I laid in bed for eleven minutes, letting my eyes adjust from night’s dark dreams to day’s morning light. I could tell from the blue sky and clear air that to-day, Thursday, is going to be an wonderful day.
What to do?
Well, I have many plans for the day: to have coffee (which I had,) to write (which I am doing,) and to empty the dishwasher (which will be done.) I am going to work (which I did not plan to do, but it will be done,) leave early for an eye examination (which I planned for on Monday,) and eat dinner with Mr. P (a plan made last night.) These are the things I will be doing.
Last night, L and I walked home from A’s house after a ladies night we had planned on the weekend. Our pace was slow, giving us time to observe ornate houses and decorations of side streets we had not noticed before, allowing us a long moment to talk about life’s details we had not paid attention to.
L & I,
– Look at that house, it is so beautiful. It’s funny the things you miss when you aren’t looking.
– Yeah, totally. Sometimes it takes the slowness of a walk to notice the details.
– Sometimes I wonder where we will all end up.
We fantasized and romanticized the places that we would like to be. We thought ahead to the types of houses we would live in one day, where they would be, who would fill those houses, what we will be doing. We began to dream and imagine what course life will take, hoping for happily ever afters. Wherever our future selves played — by the ocean or amidst the trees with fields of grass grown long or in a foreign city — we both took a moment to reflect what these plans meant.
– I guess, L, we are never going to be where we aren’t. Right now, we are happy. That’s a pretty good place. I don’t know if I will ever own a house, but I know I will always have a home. I don’t know if I will have kids, but I know I would like to. I’m just going to try to not get attached to any one thing.
– I know what you mean, b. Right now, I still would like to focus on my research and projects. After that, we will see where it all goes.
The other night, a friend was having a barbecue in the park. In a group, we sat underneath the fluorescent light of the light post, cross-legged on the grass, sipping beer and wine, talking. We got onto the topic of working, rather over-working, and how it was exhausting. Serving, cooking, cleaning, sales representing, the things we do that become part of our schedule.
J & I,
– I work three shifts a week. It’s enough to pay a little rent, utilities, go out and hang with friends. If I would really like some thing, I will plan a shift to pay for it. But, usually, I have four days off a week to relax and do things that I like.
– That sounds pretty perfect. I think you are on to something, girl.
People are so tired and I wonder what it all means. I wonder how we end up so exhausted.The other day, a co-worker was on her third twelve-and-a-half hour day. She was tired and unable to find time to do the things she would prefer to do. She needed to do laundry, a little house-keeping, she wanted to see her boyfriend and her friends. Immediately, we see these as obvious things. As humans, we know it is in our capacity to enjoy life, not be burdened by the mundane.
Still, for a moment I thought about how much energy one spends doing the things that we want to. It still takes as much physical and mental energy, if not more, to do them. When working, motion becomes automatic. We rely on previous experiences to make the shift go by. We do not need our intellectual faculties to interact with customers or the general public, although it is nice to bring the mind wherever we go. Yet, with the body and brain working as a machine, the human mind will wander, thinking of endless possibilities, other things it could be doing, hoping for some thing more, caught up in the “what-ifs”, planning for the future.
It takes up energy to create another life. For each species, gestation periods range relative to optimal survival of the baby and average life span of the animal. For a mouse it is 28 days. For a blue whale it is eleven-and-a-half months. For a human, it varies according to unforeseen plans. Some times we are born prematurely, some times we are born a month late (I am a living example of this,) and some times labour will be induced so that we are born according to plan.
We are inconsistent creatures and the only ones that do not follow plans but create them.
I wonder what I will do tomorrow? Feels wonderful.