24/08/2010 § Leave a comment
My last class is on Wednesday. Frantic with preparing my parting words for the past few days has been mind bending. Do I want to express something one-sided and, well, two-dimensionally square?
The way I envision my final day is filled with gesticulations, punches into the air, “zing this” and “goodbye to all of thats.” For six weeks, I had been re-visiting was what it felt like to re-create works in her image, with her tools of opinions, to shape the putty she put forth.
My parting words, a paragraph where — and I quote — “neutrality cannot exist”:
“The old is new. Again. The omnipotent entertainment industry is inspiring us to get re-real with ourselves with a retro-fitted, attire-ly appropriate Tilda Swinton in the film “I Am Love” (2009.) A Sorelle Fontana-ed Swinton plays Emma (formerly known as Kitcschi) who reclaims her Russian roots while living in Italy – because no one goes to Italy to re-discover anything – in this post-“Eat, Pray, Love” movie. We are supposed to be inspired by the skiddish snipping of her unhappy and superficially contrived life: Like her, if we endure long enough, we can cut our hair – because Heaven forbid we let it down – find fresh love in the hardened but lean arms of a younger man – spewing sweaty vitality from body and loins, – cut out our lifelong commitments at our own son’s funeral – by telling our husbands of 20-some-odd years that we are in love with Antonio (true character,) – gain the reassuring nod from our freshly-outed daughter – hair also freshly cut – we can live happily ever after – because that is the only way to reclaim the simplicity of childhood that we feel guilty for destroying. We can revolutionize our lives, cut off the heads of our tyrannical realities and start with fresh foundations!
Let us start all over again. Let us begin in Italy. First, with IKEA furniture we can snap-together the romanticized cottage-cozy homes that we see on sets. Then, with hourly-travel deals we can fly to the old world rather than exist here and now. Then, we can tell others how to eat, pray and love, just like we did. Then, we are happy. Then, we realize, after everything, there is no sequel and we did not get anywhere at all.”
When all I really wanted to say was:
“A pretentious display of doing something that is on everyone’s mind. But, sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.”
What I learned from class, what I bring to my desk, were things I should have known, but am sure would have realized at some point:
“When you read something, whether you like it or not, try to figure out why. Then, reshape it and make it your own.”
“Make every line count. Make each sentence work really hard to create your message.”
What will probably happen on Wednesday is nothing. I will go in, hand in my paper, take a seat, then leave. Have a celebratory drink, contemplate, jot this & that, tug at my tresses, then go home and sleep. Wake up, go to work, come home, read and try to figure out why. Then, reshape it and make every moment count.