sunday thought: life as an experiment
17/10/2010 § 1 Comment
“Really, there is only one way to live and that is how you are.”
“No, nope. You can choose.”
“Yeah, choose to be you.”
I was worried where this person was coming from.
We had walked four blocks through the autumn torn streets, hair and opened jackets blown back. I could smell the nostalgia of wind swept skin. My heart curdled.
“Sometimes, I am afraid of myself.”
“Don’t worry, girl. You will figure it out.”
Imagine a place where you could go but don’t know how to get there. You look back for reference or signs that say you are going in the right direction. They all point at you.
I was walking behind a group of three who expanded the sidewalk like geese. I tried to overtake their saunter but would stall at their arms flapping from gesticulations. One of the geese saw me from the corner of his eye and moved to the side.
He assumed I was apologizing and filled in the blanks. I do it all the time.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“I’m great, how are you?”
Fillers from distractions. (Those are some of the best moments in life.) The event inspired an experiment.
Growing up, we are constantly reminded to say the proper things as a part of our socialization. We learn to say “thank you” and “please” and “I’m sorry” before we know what they mean. My parents were a little different. They told me to interchange “could I” with “may I”, because of course I could, I could do anything, but I didn’t have the permission that “may” brought. I would always say I was sorry for the crap I put them through and my dad would turn to me and say, “If you were sorry, you wouldn’t do it.” Their aphorisms probably made me the over-analyzer that I am. They would not be sorry for that (because they wouldn’t have done it if they were), and I am thankful for it.
What if we started saying “thanks” instead of “sorry”?
Still, it’s important to surround yourself with people who let you say “thanks” instead of “sorry”.