internal combustion.

23/05/2011 § Leave a comment

And we talk of getting older.

“I don’t know, I just can’t seem to sleep in anymore,” says big B.

“I don’t have that problem, yet, but I am sure I will at some point.”

And I don’t know if I will.

Canada is picture perfect. The drive in the SmartCar from Port Perry — a small and artistic town — to Ottawa — Politcal, capital “p” — was like sitting in a stationary moment with a Hollywood reel of pretty landscape rolling by. Clean cut-outs of tree profiles and neatly trimmed ridges of terrain. My heart fluttered and tears began to well. I had missed the country side, noticing that parks and bare feet in a city did not beat the want of greenery.

“Are you going through your Post-Trip Funk, still?”

And I pretend that I’m not, but I notice weird things. Like dogs on leashes and no wine bottles in corner stores, but in small town counties all over Ontario, they run booze out of roadside gas-stations. And it makes me wonder.

Backyard digging holes for outdoor campfires made me feel a bit more at ease. Barefoot and barely fed, we open fine white wines with a twist instead of a pop and I am thankful for this and I don’t know why.

“Grab the smorkit. It’s under the microwave.”

And a rush of temporary comfort tumbles through.

We roast marshmallows with her decor sticks because there are none to find in sidelined forests (like the good old days). Those days are gone, yes, we are in bare feet, yes, I remember that, but barely. And we need to catch up but I have been in a loop.

Of course, the night ends with deep talks between big B and wee b and I get nostalgic and she knows it. Last time we had endured this was in a different place reading journal entries from high school. Now, we are calm, but we are both a little broken. Life is changing fast and we are not there. Or, perhaps, we walk a different road, yet parallel.

“It’s crazy, I am a mom!” says one friend.

“Yeah, I guess we all have our own changes happening,” I said.

And it is good. Right? Tell me it’s ok and that I’m doing ok.

“You are doing just fine. Just be you.”

And I exhale.

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